#whiskey_talking

You. You. You.
It’s been three years!
We have changed places,
We have crossed phases,
We have lost, we have gained
We have immersed
In our own little worlds.

I broke into a run
To distance myself from you.
Sometimes I hit rock-bottom
And started all over again.
I’m far now and I shudder
Even as I sit among people
I found, loved and held on to
My heart goes on, once again
For a frantic crazy search
For that part it lost
– lost along with you.

I hear them laughing,
My colleagues, over something at work
I am partially back
I refill my glass and join;
The whiskey, keeps talking
To the depths of my heart
About our almost teenage fairytale.

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#rant

Then there is me.
Too deeply hurt
To ever trust completely
Too desperate
To let go of what I have
Though I stopped feeling
A while ago.
And I blankly stare
At what you offer
Crying inside already
Over the future,
When I would weep
While you leave.

Fears are real
As I hug and shrug away too soon.
-c. J

#wildwoman

She is the daughter of wilderness,
A wild creature with a wandering soul,
Perceiving beauty in all that she beholds.

She could stop your breath with her dreams,
She could paralyze you with her gaze,
She could make you listen to her senseless banter.
She is disturbingly addictive ,
She invades your thoughts every night.
She is poison ,the sweetest kind;
She is fire,murderously charming.
She is an innocent witch with a bewildering smile,
Leaving a mark,definite and distinct.
A woman who makes you wonder if it’s a dream.
Cause in a blink she is gone,
She runs before heartache grasps hold.

She is the daughter of wilderness,
A wild creature with a wandering soul,
Perceiving beauty in all that she beholds.

– c.J

#post_midnight

Embarrassed was among too many things that I felt.
There was fear, embarrassment, love, guilt, joy, liberation, contemplation, stupidity, self loathing and finally or maybe throughout a sense of calm and contentment.
But I’m too old or maybe I’m too young,
Maybe I’m too corrupt or maybe I’m too naive!
Oh well! Now I’m clearly overthinking.
Welcome to the heart that never stops
and a brain that sends reminders of how you felt!
As words start to fade and the chords pulled reverberates,
I force a shut down before I slip into a lament on how I miss my old self and how life has forever altered me.
Headspace, meditation and sleep.

#Grey_n_Black

The brilliant hue of the Sun, set the world in a brighter mode. She felt light as things went right. The breeze cooled her system amid the commotion of the crowd.
And then there was an entry. Clumsy , reckless and dangerously cool- he walked in with a style unmatched and strange.
Their eyes locked for one brief second or two.
A meeting of a magical grey with a shade of madly gorgeous black.
She was the shade of grey and he, the shade of black. The brief exchange set a spark that exploded like the fireworks within her. She sensed danger and took off.
Soon, they ended up together in a crowd. Her eyes directed to the stars and the nature, she was in her world, too much for the world to take. She slowly saw her skies , which were a blue, turning dark. Gradually, it bacame darker- a shade of blue-black.
He was around, forcing an entry with caffeinated words and glittery moments. He carefully mirrored her, and she was often bewildered by his charm. The monochromatic colours spread in her world as they both left behind splotches in parks, beaches, poetry, deep conversations and many a things she often loved.
She cautioned herself from time to time that he was the shade of black- the black she most often got addicted to. Her monsters were awake, too awake to her plight. They showed her his variations- the shades of blacks he had adopted like a pro, always outperforming the other- his shades constantly waged war againist each other.
Her monsters were her saviours, her insecurity her protector but she was yet left hanging, between the myriad shades she was exposed to. Absolutely clueless, she decided to shut her eyes to the colors around and focus on the stars above, but the sky had already shifted to a darker shade of black that hid the twinkling stars.
She was scared for she knew the trouble lurking around. She was a pessimist with an urge to prepare for the worst.
His black could be her addiction  – something that can take off the sparkle or brighten them like never before.
She wondered in solitude, What was at play- her monsters of insecurity or his demons of murderous charm?

#dread

I’m just here mighty numb,
Wondering what it is that you feel for me,
The depths you say, the heights you refer to,
Were it possible? Was it real?
I am hanging between for a long time
-so long that I feel no ground nor the skies.

I am still puzzled and pondering
For what I perceive to be a breeze, you do to be a storm
And what I feel nothing about, you feel blown away by.
I am scared, because I can’t let go.
The darkness of falling out sends shivers.

I fear I would regret it.
Because you are easy to please,
Despite my stoic face
And sly acts of clumsy love,
You find peace and happiness.
Maybe the world never will.

And moreover,
I dread:
to choose again,
To be high and soon be hanging,
To feel numb again,
And to start to wither again.

– c.J

#musings

Embarrassed was among too many things that I felt.
There was fear, love, guilt, joy, liberation, contemplation, stupidity, self loathing, longing and finally or maybe throughout a sense of calm and contentment.
But I’m too old or maybe I’m too young,
Maybe I’m too corrupt or maybe I’m too naive!

Questions branched out in a blink to use more answers for more questions.

Oh well! Now I’m clearly overthinking.
Welcome to the heart that never stops
and a brain that sends reminders of how you felt!
As words start to fade, the chords pulled reverberates. I know this is what is going to stay- the reverberations, the ripples…

I force a shut down before I slip into a lament on how life has altered me forever.
Headspace, meditation and sleep.

But hey the buzz within is real, you just hear it to remember you are loved.

-c. J