I feel too much.

I am afraid. When words get stuck and you stop mid sentence, too afraid that he would leave. And he does regardless, leaving unsaid words, unshed tears, and painful urges to hug in the air... Hanging... My heart breaks a little When we are on a date and you find joy in LinkedIn stories, your...

July, 2023

I think there is a love called marriage loveAnd maybe it is the toughest love of all.The kind of love where there are pushes and pulls,Stares and gazes, passion and disgust.It blooms  and you are enticed by it's fragrance,Too addicted to pull away.With time the newness fades,The familiarity makes you awareMaybe a little more than...

June, 2023.

*Trigger warning It dawned on me , quite late but stillI needed to run, or maybe let outA cry for help. I muster the courage:My heart, off on a sprint,Anxiety kicking me hard,I scream in pain... The sound that went offOf my dry throatDissolved.Left with an agonized face,I sunk to the floorI had failed. Pulling...

May, 2023.

Strange it feels, how our brains work,And lately, it's a being of its own.I catch it wondering, pulling out scenarios in an endless loop,While me, my consciousness-an uninvited guest to a tea party- drops in,Only to upset my body and my heart,with the reminders of deadlines and chores,That I pushed for a later that never...

radiosilence

I wait for the impending doom,To not leave a moment of ignorance behind,because it hits when you least expect it And I had become a control freak. Seconds, Hours, months pass,And I exist much like a zombie,Waking at odd hours, Staring at the fan too much, In anticipation of that disaster, Which would be the...

Loss

Trigger warning: loss/pain I recently suffered loss. Lost someone very very dear to the pandemic. It was abrupt and it shook me and my loved ones. I have heard about loss, seen people deal with it, read about it. And from what I had seen it is tough to deal with. It is painful and...

A second in a day

I wait for the impending doom,To spare no moment of ignorance behind,because it hits when you least expect it And I had become a control freak. One day, as anxiety took me for a ride, Showing me the paths I trod,The errors, judgment and possible trauma,I had caused- by chance and by intention,It hits me...

crash and burn

And the walls came crashing down on me.I stared in shockA scream escaped from within.But the voice dissolvedIn the crumbling rush.I shut my eyes tightAnd let the concrete bury me.-c.J

Another day

Streaks of lightthrough grey curtains,an unwashed cup of black teaand a half-smoked cigaretteexhausted yet restlessby the window.Mess within and around.The unkempt bed,the books that lay lazilyand a laptop about to die.all shouted and waitedfor her to rise again. At a corner, she lay,in her own mess of a worldthoughts churned upby the buzzing fanwound around...

Woolgathering

Where is my heart?Where is my soul?Where am I placed in this glorified globe?Do I fit in or do I fall out?Am I a spec or the rest just stardust? Scattered are bits of everyone in everyoneIn eyes and smiles, slangs and gestures...I see you and a million versionsAnd I stay stuckBaffled by this weird...